They Turned Him Into a Saint...But I Know Who He Was

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I would like to share my story. My father molested me for years. He's been dead 8 years now so my family has turned him into somewhat of a saint. It's all about don't talk bad about the dead. The earliest I can remember is 8 or 9 but I'm pretty sure it was my whole life. My father would make inappropriate comments about my breast size and no one seemed to think that was weird. Then it got to him grabbing them as "play." Then he would sneak into my room in the mornings and rub his body up on mine. When I would get home from school he would trap me in my room and come lay down on top of me and grind on top of me. I tried telling my mom when I was 13 about how I didn't like him touching me but she yelled at me and said that's your dad he wouldn't do anything like that. So right then I decided ok no one's gonna believe me. So I turned into a very angry individual. 

I hated everyone and everything. I lost faith in God. What kind of God would let this happen to me? On top of the sexual abuse it was also verbal he would always say I wouldn't amount to anything. He was narcissistic and controlling. Perhaps that's why I pushed so hard in school to prove him wrong. I was afraid to be in the same house as him. At night I would barricade my bedroom door because I didn't have a lock since it was a older house. He would always try to stay home with me. Like if my family was going to a social event and I didn't want to go, he would say ok I'll stay home too and then I had to hurry up and get ready to go because I was terrified at what he would do with me alone.

I met my husband in high school when I was still very young. I told him everything and he and I got married right away and I moved out. My family stopped talking to me accusing me of "falsely" making allegations against my father and shaming them in society. It's been eight years since my father has died. My mother and siblings talk to me now but as I mentioned before don't believe that all the abuse occurred. So stupid me wanting to have a relationship with them stays quiet. Yeah I'm a liar a girl who has had 7 counselors in 12 years and still wake up from awful dreams about my father hurting me. In desi society it's more important to save face value then help your child apparently. Thanks for letting me share. I am about to finish my undergraduate degree, still married and happy - so I'm doing well.  My abuse won't hold me back and while others have turned him into a saint, I know what kind of person he really was.

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